uphill battle

It's hard to trust someone the second time around after they already gave you one reason not to trust them.
When we decide to trust someone after they were dishonest or disloyal to us the first time around, we are choosing to put our heart into someone's hands with whom we know is capable of hurting us again. With this being said, knowing that they may be able to hurt you again is not what should be focused on. Instead after a thorough reconciliation and grieving period we have to be willing to get past the past in order to grow the relationship.

Entering into a relationship with someone who has already hurt you may be harder for some, and easier for some, depending upon their tolerance for pain, and how forgiving of a heart they have, but make no mistake about it, it will definitely be an uphill battle. Just remember that your heart is special, and if someone wants to be in your life after hurting you once before then they need to earn this spot back into your life.

After all these, I still wonder what if the coin has flipped the other way round.

It could have been me.

density

The thing about life is that.. It goes beyond just love, friends and family. It goes beyond the perfect career, money, and even sex. All of us, we know this. We know this fact by heart but sometimes, we forget. And when we forget, there's just no one around to shake us and make us realise that we've derailed from what actually really matters, because everyone around us too, have forgotten.

Like me. I forget most of the time. But I'm begging for someone who would tell me to fucking wake up when I do forget. Where IS this person? 

happy hour after midnight (:

Singing our hearts out at the backseat. Night like this when we talk about rounding Europe. what more can I say? Loving it! May come fast please! ((:

in loving memory...

I think life should be about touching the lives of people around us. Making a difference. Accepting people for who they are, going out of our way to help others, and loving with all that we’ve got. Sometimes all it takes is one simple gesture, and we can put a smile on someone’s face and make them feel less alone. That is what we should live for, because when we’re gone from this world, we can’t take anything with us. All that’s left are the people whose lives you touched, and the difference you’ve made while you were here. So make this life count, because you don’t get a second chance.

My late uncle was a strong, brave and loving man. He was only forty-seven.

Sunday, 22nd January 2012 1512h
He left his beloved wife, his three adorable (still so young) kids behind, his elder daughter, and seven other living siblings- with lotsa love and memories, to meet God. Everything happened too fast, and yes, there was no second chance.

Please make do`a for him. thanks.
Al-Fatiha.

FINALLY!

Wohooooo! can't wait!!! :D

But first, I've gotta clear my night shift for this roster. One more night to go before happening weekends!

Ciao!

Titanic;

3rd of Jan; with my favourite girls and here's to our artsy farty trip.

Apparently, we were not allowed to take photos inside the exhibition. thus, the lack of photos. Managed to sneak snap photos from the iphone though. Anyway, I kinda like the last photo. was a quick shot. cause apparently we were rushing off to meet the others and free supper from the doctor. It was a nice evening and a good kick start to 2012 definitely.

strike the vein!

That satisfying moment when you get to see the backflow. and i was forced by YJ to use a freaking needle instead of the usual "butterfly". success! Hahaha... it was basically slacking day at work. go round setting plug and blood sucking. Sing songs with my ah-mas and dance the hours away. it's true when they say, nothing else matters when you know you are the reason why people smile. it just feels good both inside and out. :)

Had supper with the guys and tang tea. It is indeed true that vanue does not matter as long as you have right company. As you grow older, I realize it is increasingly harder to find time and energy to meet up with people you really do care about but I am glad that most of my friendships can endure the test of time. Alhamdulillah.

Okay. Apparently im PBG-ing right now. my attempt to blog often seems to be progressing quite well. Haha. Oh. I need to head to town later and im gonna drag someone along with me.

I feel like having ice cream now. random. but true. wanted to just now but was still feeling full. okay that kinda rhyme.

Lets try doodle on something else now shall we? I feel like posting random pictures. okay bye.

Love, N.

on the couch

Okay when twitter has reached it's limits and there's a lil bit more to say and when I'm too tired to even switch the laptop on or go to the desktop downstairs, I'm lying here on my bed attempting to type this out via my iPhone. I've been working 5 straight days. Chronic afternoons till this morning. Knock off the moment I got home. Was suppose to be heading the bookstores to pick up some assessment books and prepare for upcoming tuition lessons, but I was THAT tired to even have my butt off the bed :/ I've got another afternoon back at the hospital grounds tmrow and I almost can't believe that I (kind of) submit myself to be on stand by for running night shifts at A&E. Prolly upcoming weeks or so. Not too sure what I got myself into. But I shall give it a shot. I should be fine to tie down till Sunday. Staffing sounds awesomely crazy for afternoon cm w/o any blues of course.

Alright nuff bout work for now. Well, it's been said and now I'm doing it. It's about time I leave things alone and maybe... just maybe. you would miss me too. We'll then determine how significant one party is to another. Do it right my dear. We are not getting any younger.

It's mid month already everyone.
Please take care (;

Love, N.

twenty twelve

Well... hello there. I've kinda moved to somewhere else. Ask me and I would probably tell you. The heart still feels heavy though. I might just move in back here. I wanted to copy paste the whole entry but I decided that it'll be pointless cause I would need to filter bits and pieces, here and there. I hope everyone's been good this new year.

SHQS photoshoot cm. I dont even know what im in for. We'll see.

Do stay healthy! I'll be back soon.

Love, N.

beautiful sunday

I watched Like Crazy over the weekend expecting to completely bawl my eyes out, but I actually didn’t. Still, the reality of it manages to leave you both hopeful and hopeless — I would say somewhere in between Blue Valentine and 500 days of summer, but repeats the same concept both of those movies hold, as in the longer you love (despite all the hardships), the harder it is to let go.

Well, well... It's been awhile since I last typed something insightful and deep here. My two weeks leave is ending in less than 24 hours or so. I've been good rotting at home and when I went back to work late afternoon today, they commented I look fresh and pretty. Probably, partly due to the make up that was on me. ouh... and yes. I had the most awesomest Sunday afternoon too. Something that will linger for quite some time. My sorta perfect way of "the moment".  Shall not go into details here. Please take care lovelies!

Much love, N.

Set fire to the rain

I could spend my whole day listening to her songs on replay.


But there’s a side to you that I never knew, never knew
All the things you’d say, they were never true, never true
And the games you play, you would always win, always win

But I set fire to the rain
Watched it pour as I touched your face
Let it burn while I cry
‘Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name

When laying with you
I could stay there, close my eyes
Feel you here, forever
You and me together, nothing is better

battle scars

“Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside them they’ve all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.”

Truth.

I'm just waiting for the day. It's no where near now, but I still believe that this day will come, some day. Maybe then all the irritation will leave me.
Will it be the day I don't give two flying f*** what happens anymore? Perhaps it would mean I'm out of its grasp, free to act as I please at last.

Battle scars ruin me.

I've been wondering again, what it would feel like to be sincerely, truthfully and honestly- loved by you.

Mohd Hamsin Nashrudin, I'm very much disappointed with you. (I know you read in here, I dont care when, but I freaking hope you do come across this entry one day) Honestly, I feel fucking terrible. Of all people, I expected you to pick up the signs. but no. you were busy catering to your own needs and fantasies, whatever u call it. Who am I to intrude?

I'm in the anger phase right now, since I seemed to have skipped past it a month ago. But I'm pissed at a lot of things especially being asked to do things when I don't want to. Maybe I'm angry at everything.

I know it's been dusty in here. Im gonna revive and revamp this space soon.

Feeling very friendless right now, but that's probably not far from the truth.
Thinking about that topic makes me feel a hundred more times more betrayed than I was when I started typing this entry.

Thank you, fate.

When those tears fall,

When the tears which are filled with regret and remorse,

When the raising of your hands doesn't mean you lose,

When you know just what is it you haven't been doing right....

When you know it's Him you've been missing.

Alhamdulillah, a good start to July. I am still having fond memories of my post night off last week :) Maybe becuase that night shift call was really bad and the past two weeks I'd spent in a state of constant lethargy and intermittent nausea. Emotionally, Im intact...I think!
Lets not say it went according to plan... but i still had a lovely evening. After he made me wait for hours, he wont let me pay a cent through the evening :) We had a good hearty-overloaded- meal :)

I've watched (that super chic flick movie) Monte Carlo which Yan claimed good rating. Apart from getting to see the city of love- Paris and cute guys on screen, the story line is just a so so. I need to watch a REAL solid movie next. I WANT and NEED to watch Transformers soon! ARGHH. In view of my shitty schedule, I shall decide to catch it tmrow evening or otherwise.
-----

Okay I've long decided that I can get what I want with enough effort put in. At the same time, I must learn not to bring hopes up! Cynicism does have its own value but I fail at sustaining it. Hurhur. the teet teet Tuesday Starbucks episode is still lingering at the back of my mind.

ARGHHHHH. I'm so sleepy but the eyes just wont shut. Was on the phone a moment ago and he thinks I should complete my chapter of Sparks; at first sight. Well, I think I need Hb transfusion -.-" wait. probably muscle relaxants would do. GA will provide very good sleep. Dont you think?